A stupid story....

Clear DayDear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and almost
immediately noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance -
particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, MLB 3.0, NBA 4.0, NASCAR 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com" and try
to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a
very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources)

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an
unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Signed,
Support Tech