The Spoon

Last week, we took some friends out to a new
restaurant and noticed that the waiter who
took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It
seemed a little strange. When another waiter brought
our water and utensils I noticed he also had a spoon
in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that
all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
"Why the spoon?"

"Well, he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired
Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After
several months of analysis, they concluded that the
spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons
pertable per hour. If our personnel are better
prepared, we can reduce the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was
able to replace it with his spare.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen,
instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a
string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking
around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same
string hanging from their flies. So before he walked
off, I asked the waiter "Excuse me, but can you tell
me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not
everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I
mentioned also found out that we can save time in the
restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know
what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it
back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others,
but I use the spoon."

OMG!!!

It’s been a bit of a competition at work to find, and eat the hottest wings found. Long story made short is this: Today, Jeremy brought in his newest contestant. During his trip to Maryland’s beaches this weekend, he once again made a purchase at a place called Peppers. The vile sauce had an ‘eye-dropper’ in the lid, and on another bet, I put a drop on my meatloaf. OMG!!!!!!! The initial reaction was bad, but had no comparison to the heartburn I had the rest of the day.

I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, if you know what I mean.

I'm not perfect either

Far too many are guilty of judging others to quickly or by their actions in only one setting. I am one of those people. In a post a while back I made a judgment call about one of my son’s wrestling coaches. I am happy to admit that I was wrong. It turns out that his guy is a good coach, in fact, I have nothing but great things to say about the entire coaching staff in general. These guys are great with the kids and knowledgeable to boot.

During our match on Sunday against Selinsgrove, our biggest rival of all, things were very disorganized. After the Varsity kids were done, it was out time on the mat. Matthew and I walked up to the team area. My intention was to drop him off there and walk up to the stands but when we got there, it was a scene of total chaos. I may not know much about wrestling, as I never played the sport, but I do know kids and how to control them. My coaching personality took over and I went into action. Finally, this coach, who I am so wrong about, showed up. Apparently it was only he and one other coach from our team that were able to make it that day. Him and I actually worked well together. I was impressed to no end and would gladly do it again.

It was a nice change to be called Matthew’s dad instead of coach. Yet working with the kids seems to be uni-sport. Although I am at every practice, I have not coached these kids on bit other than helping with an untied shoe to two, but the kids cling to me and trust me non the less. It’s too bad those damn parents can’t get off of there asses long enough to help their own. But, you know what? Part of me would rather have it this way. At least I know I made a difference in some kids lives without wanting something in return for it. I may be in and out without talking to most of these parents, but every damn kid on that team knows my name. That is what matters to me. When I find one of these kids lost in the mall one day, he can walk up to me with feeling comfortable, knowing I will make sure she will be returned to his or her parents safely so they can continue do whatever they do behind those doors.

Why?

I was standing in a checkout line at Weis the other day, very impatiently I might add, and was watching a family in front of me. They had a baby girl in the cart, strapped into a portable baby seat, which I guessed to be no more than three months old. Loving babies as I do, I was admiring her perfection with a cute factor topping the scale when I noticed something. Her little ears were pierced. I was shocked! OMG! That little girl was so young!!!! I have nothing against piercing(s) in general and I don’t want to argue the pro-choice vs. the pro-life debate, but I do not believe any person should be pierced until he or she is old enough verbally agree to doing so.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder what gets into people’s heads.

While we were at Boo’s match today this woman came up to me. I had prior experience with her and her son during last years baseball season and school year. She has proven to me on several occasions how many issues she has. As she finally got before me through the crowd of people she said, “I have a question” and proceeded to explain to me that her son does not have any headgear to wrestle in. I then said to her in a somewhat joking manner “Oh no! Forgot them at home, did you?” She then says “I didn’t know if Jordan was going to stick with wrestling so I didn’t want to buy any.” Ok, I have a problem with this. Wrestling started in November, this is now January. It’s been almost two months and she uses THAT for an excuse?!? What has this poor kid been using for his practices and matches up to this point?

This family has a long history of being, what choose to call, ‘a real piece of work’. Last year her son was in my son’s class at school. Jordan captured a bit of fame when he wrote “FUK YOU” on the chalkboard one day before school started. Keep in mind that it was 1st grade! Jordan was in baseball at the time, on the Yankees as I recall. His coach used to complain to me about him weekly. I got a chance to speak to her a few times about her son, the school and our kids’ teacher. She usually had an excuse for everything he did, and if for some reason she was without one, the default was “I asked him and he said he didn’t do it.” And to think that when I first met her I actually like her. That was, before I know who she was. This kind of action kind of reminds me of a certain family growing up.

Anyways, life goes on and people never seem to change. It seems that people are who they are as a person, forever; it’s only how well they hide it from everyone else that makes people think they have changed.

Autopilot

Well, today was my birthday, and like most birthdays, it was spent doing the same damn things I do every other day. My workday was filled with frustration as I tried to juggle 37 different issues and problems, all while my direct boss tries to undermine me, subliminally hoping that his name somehow magically appears on the company sign. I had to cook my own birthday dinner for the kids and I, while they agitate each other to no end. I wanted to actually go out and have a birthday beer yet I can’t seem to muster enough energy to even remove myself from my P.J. pants. All in all, I’m behind schedule at work, behind schedule with executive baseball league crap, and actually having trouble justifying my time spent at home, keeping me from furthering progress at work. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this. Me, the ultimate family guy, balancing a work/home schedule… Where the hell is my head?

Anyways, another year is down the drain. Another year closer to death and retirement; I wonder witch will come first? My grandfather believed that when you stopped working, you died, so that is what he did. But that is not me. I live my life for my kids. I have chosen the path of replenishing society with people whom are better than we are and I plan to fulfill. Some days are better than others I guess.

I have found some personal comfort in venting here. My distressing within this forum is most likely why my blog sucks. Maybe I should just open a word document, vent my heart out, and then delete it. I might actually still feel better and no one else has to endure the pain. Good plan, I’ll entertain it.