Wednesday, April 26, 2006

A stupid story....

Clear DayDear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and almost
immediately noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance -
particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, MLB 3.0, NBA 4.0, NASCAR 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
********************************************************************
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com" and try
to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a
very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources)

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an
unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Signed,
Support Tech

Friday, April 21, 2006

lateralus

I just realized that I’m into my third week of practices without taking even one picture. It’s quite difficult to snap an image when you’re busy on the field, but I will try to find a way soon. Things have not slowed down as much as I had anticipated, leaving me somewhat disadvantaged in the rest of my.

Sometimes we all are faced with tough decisions. Life is full of them. “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there”.

On a side note, some very artistic images can be found here. Check it out!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

It's about the kids!!!

I’ve been so busy with administrative duties that I almost forgot about my favorite part of baseball, coaching the kids. The heck with the parents, bring on the kids baby, they know how to have fun!

We are the Pirates this year. Our team has 13 kids and over half of them have never played the game before, other than playing around in the back yard with dad. So far we’ve had three practices and I still don’t have all their names committed to memory, although I am really bad with names, really, really bad. I now have nametags and numbers for the kids for Monday’s practice. This has been done before and the kids love the idea of having numbers, even if it’s only 1 through 13.

Although a few kids need a lot of work, some are really good players. One seven-year-old girl, who has, according to her father, never played before, catches quite well. She is obviously adopted and her father seems to be an admirable parent. One seven-year-old boy is about ready for the major league. It a good thing we play with grade 5 RIF (reduced injury factor) balls he hits a line drive that could kill a man, let alone a kid.

A friend’s oldest girl, and another’s youngest boy can be found on the team this year. I can pick on both of them as much as I want. After all, I am the coach. I made Matt (not my son) run laps for missing the first two practices, even though stocking trout IS A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE! Of course Boo Bear can be found on the team as well. He’s probably our second best hitter, but I’ve been working on his catching skills on nearly a daily basis because, well, he just sucks (He’s my kid, I can say that!).

Sunbury Quadra League will never be the same as I am now on the board of directors. This makes things a bit strange at home, considering my wife is the Vise President. I’m kind of glad that I was nominated and voted in because now I have a say in what goes on within the league on an official platform. Other than that, I couldn’t care less about the board or any administrative details I am asked to perform. My place is on that field with the kids.

Last year I was able to coach baseball and do everything else, but last year I was just a coach and an involved parent. This year I have become much more integrated into the league, taking up much more of my precious time. I was left with two choices, add another 12 or so hours to the day, or give something up. Personally, I used this opportunity to separate myself from a situation that has been long and hard. Last month I submitted my official resignation as Chairman of the Board Of Trustees at one certain Methodist Church. After many requests prior to my stepping down, I remain a member of the board. I would have publicly said a negative word about the church or it’s members as Chairman. Since I am no longer in the position, I consider myself free to speak my mind. I could sit down and tell the world all the stories I have about one certain pastor, or a few members, or a certain former fellow Administrative Board member, but I have found another’s words to speak for me. So here goes, the words of Maynard James Keenan.





To the people of St. $$$$’s United Methodist Church…


Suck and
Suck!

Suckin' up all you can, suckin' up all you can suck and suck
Workin' up under my patience like a little tick
Fat little parasite

Suck!

Me Dry

My blood is bruised and borrowed
You thievin' bastards, you have
Turned my blood cold and bitter
Beat my compassion black and
Blue!

Hope this is what you wanted
Hope this is what you had in mind
'Cause this is what you're gettin'

I hope you're chokin'
I hope you choke on this
I hope you're chokin'
I hope you choke on this

Taken all I can, taken all I can, we can take
Taken all you can, taken all you can, we can take
Got nothin' left to give to you

Blood suckin' parasitic little
(Tick!) Blood suckin' parasitic little
Blood suckin' parasitic little
Tick! Take what you want and then
Go!

Hope this is what you wanted
Hope this is what you had in mind
'Cause this is what you're gettin'

Ahh!
Suck!
Me dry!
Suck!
Suck me dry!
Suck!
Me dry!
Suck!
Suck me dry

Is this what you wanted?!
Is this what you had in mind?!
Is this what you wanted?!
'Cause this is what you're gettin'

I hope!
I hope!
I hope!
You choke!


If you want to dive into what the words mean for real, here’s a hint: Don’t be so literal.

Happy Easter everyone.






Friday, April 14, 2006

Rain, rain, go away......

Although we managed to dodge the bullet on Thursday, today’s rainy weather has washed away any hope for practices. I stopped at the fields on the way home to find puddles of water, so I made the call. Its kind of nice having some free time… and look what I’m doing, blogging, go figure.


It seems almost every day I get a phone call from a parent wanting to register his or her child. Signup ends on the official opening day, May 6th. All four leagues are at or near maximum capacity so I hope the calls stop soon. The hats and uniforms are already ordered so it’s too late to add another team. Plus our lovely new Mayor has stated that the light on the minors and majors fields, are not to be used for practices, due to city budget cuts. I guess if the city pays the light bills, they can also turn them off. I’m thinking about walking down the street and egging his house out of spite.

Have a happy Easter everyone!

Monday, April 10, 2006

My facade

Sometimes I complain about how busy I am these days. I seem to have so many titles that I should have nametag the size of a clipboard attached to my chest. Between work and baseball, no time is left for anything else, or at least so it seems.

Having said that, I would not trade this for the world. I am most certainly doing what I feel I need to do for the community, and I love doing it. I hold absolutely no pride in my capabilities as a baseball coach, but rather I pride myself for being there to positively affect every child I can reach. High-fives and pats on the back are dished out over and over again, mostly to kids who would not ‘deserve’ one by others. I know in my heart that I am making a difference, if only minute.

For a few months I can put my own troubles aside. I hold enough positions on boards to build a deck. My personal issues are now buried bellow a mound of papers and folders. This is truly where I want to be today.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Thank god it’s over!

Finally, hell week is officially over. Looking back, things actually didn’t go all that bad. I still have a few minor issues with our new equipment manager, but all fires have been put out. My week has been filled with nothing but work, three baseball fields, twelve teams and phone calls up to 11 PM. Finally, the phone sits quietly on the desk, worn and tired from it’s five day workout.

Wednesday was as messed up day. I stopped at the complex just after work to survey the conditions. After finding the fields covered with snow, I made a few phone calls and we officially called the day a wash. Trouble was, after sitting in my truck calling coaches for ten minutes, I neglected to remember that one coach came to the fields just after work. I guess I’ll call his cell phone for now on.

The weather today was perfect. Badly needed rain for most of the day, then turning to clear and sunny skies about two hours before the first practice. About an hour after the second practice we had a torrential downpour of more badly needed rain. Unfortunately, this led a coach to call off his second practice many hours prior. A few phone calls later, and after just a little bit of a pee pee smack, all is good, although his team is two practices in the hole.

One thing I love it to hear all the daily gossip about who hates who during phone calls to my league peers. It seems that one ‘problem’ has resigned. During a conversation with the league president yesterday down at the fields, I was offered unofficially offered said position. The president and I kind of grew up together with few years separating us. I simply looked him and said “I’ll take it but keep in mind that I………..” I think I’m off the hook, but I’ll find out Sunday at our meeting.

Anyways, things are slowing down a bit. I have to work tomorrow morning (Saturday), a side effect of being the Forman, oops wait, Production Coordinator. I choose to call myself the hall monitor.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I’d rather be impudent.

I find it ironic and a bit funny that people who are involved in an organization who’s sole purpose is to put a smile on kids faces, can not work together without screaming and yelling at each other. Acting this way only creates an uncomfortable environment for the very kids who we are here to serve. This makes me look deeper into the kid’s personal life. Most, if not all board members, coaches and commissioners have children in a division within the league. I find myself asking myself the same question over and over; if these people act this way in front of the children on the fields, how do they act at home?

Many of articles can be read about how video games and the like are twisting the minds of our youth. Um… people, is it not our very parents who are, without even knowing it, behind it all? Here’s my quote for the week: “Asshole’s reproduce faster than rabbits…”.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Volunteerism at it’s best I guess.....

Our baseball league uses the Robert’s Rules of Order do define our basic layout of, for lack of a better word, administration. The term ‘chain of command’ seems fitting. Our program has four leagues, each, historically having no less than three to eight teams. Using the chain as an analogy, when a link fails, all links bellow suffer the failure.

I commission a league, and coach within another. As coach, my commissioner has been, for many weeks, over and over again, dropping the ball. Apparently, writing the schedules for, preparing two fields for, advising for, taking flack for, correcting for and covering for said commissioner has not been enough. After a conversation with her tonight, I have found an issue breaks the chain in a way that could effect up to 30 kids.

I have been on the phone putting out fires for four fucking hours!!!! After a calling in a few favors, all fires are out for this evening, but the true test will come in less then 48 hours.

Oh great…. Now I get to commission two leagues. Just what I fucking wanted, more shit to do!!!!

To friends, count me out for a few more weeks, but Zak will still be my helper. I’ll work it somehow.