Just something to think about I guess

I’m an outdoors kind of guy. I don’t consider myself to be “one with nature” but much closer than the average person who may come across this blog. I have been finding strange things in our little world lately. Things that make me think, things that breach what I consider normalcy. One such event happened this evening. I was standing on my front porch and seen something blinking in the neighbor’s yard. I went to investigate what was causing this ‘flicker’ in the grass. I found a lightning bug (firefly) in the grass whose luminescent body was flickering totally randomly. It's February 1!!! I have never seen this type of beetle at this time of year, ever.

A change is in the wind people, and it doesn’t feel very good to me.

Just posting

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing
surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite
case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached
them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of
England.

The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and
both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold
medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a
train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the
woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and
now she's a senator from New York.

I should have went with Hertz

…So there’s this guy that Dorman and I grew up with Named Bill. Bill was once the core of our click but has since turned into a turd. Him and his newest wife, whom I refer to as the scab, have this routine that they apparently go through often: They both go out on the dance floor together, then Bill finds his position in front of the D.J.’s booth. After a few beers, the scab will start grinding out on the dance floor with every male she can find. The more beers she has in her, the more wild and crazy she gets, all while her husband stands in his position watching the show. Eventually, a chemical reaction between testosterone and beer makes Bill become jealous. His chest pumps up like a balloon, his arms fold slightly back and he pushes his way around the dance floor (all 6’3”, 145 pounds of him) peeling off all the meat that his sluttish scab has attracted to herself. This is usually followed by the 2 of them bitching at one another as they head out the door.

So as we all sit here at a table in the bar, low and behold, the scab and her smashing beanpole husband walk in. After a few minutes, I decide to go say hello to my once close friend. A brief assessment tells me he has had way too much to drink already. Dean then joins our little reunion for a while. All seems good so Dorman and I head back to the table to enjoy the show. It doesn’t take long until the orthodontically impaired couple starts doing their thing. Since I have been in asshole mode most of the week, an evil idea came to mind. I said to our crew “I’m to start some trouble. I’ll be right back”. On my way to the little boys room, I make a quick stop at the scab to take her for a test drive. It was kind of like renting a car. It’s not yours and you have to take it back so you may as well go out and beat it a little to see what it will do.

After making my deposit in the urinal, I return to my chair. This process continues a few more times. Every time I go out to take the scab for a ride, I report every action she does back to Bill. I assume he was watching the entire show, but that’s not really my point if you know what I mean. So then I go up there to say hello again. I then pick up the scab and place her on my shoulders. I then dance around with her on me for a minute of two, as she rubs my head. Once I place her back down on the floor, and without missing a beat, she grabs my head and says to me “you should have turned your head around”. I of course report this exact phrase to Bill, after reclaiming my hat from him. He seems to find humor in it, but I can tell the chemical reaction is starting to begin.

A few minutes later I decide to take her around the block once more, so with beer in hand, I cruise on up to the scab, looking to burn some rubber. I find her there pulling her shirt up to expose her pierced belly button and tattooed belly. This is when I thought to myself, let’s put the pedal to the metal. I lean over to her ear and ask the now famous question, “is that all your going to show me?” She thinks for a second or two, then pulls her shirt and bra up, showing off her left boob to me. Without skipping a beat, I turn to Bill and said “your wife just showed me her tits”.

That’s all it took. He pulled her into the back area and they had a talk. After she returned I tried to bump and grind her some more but she was not willing and tried to ignore me. Walking away I said aloud, “ah, did some body get their pee-pee smacked?”
I am the greatest asshole!

Long week

Home: The boo has to start growing up soon. He's so smart for six yet so freaking immature. I keep thinking to myself “it will just click one day” yet it just never does. We went out to eat tonight. He could read almost every word on the menu. He’s already great in math and always asking me math questions. I just wish he’d pay attention and focus a little. Everything is a pain in his day except doing what HE wants.

Work: If I end up in hell, I know what it will be like for me. I will be surrounded by miles of stainless steel pipe, yet none if it will fit up correctly. There will be pumps, yet none will have motors spun to the correct schemes needed. All vendors will seem to drop the ball, and all at the same time. The price of steel and stainless will jump more than 200% because of china overbidding on precious coke needed to manufacture it, plus all our customers specs will forbid using products from china. Wait…. I’m in hell.

That’s it. I’m going for a beer.

Don't be a Dick

Being a parent is not so much a choice, but rather a burden. It changes who you are forever. Sometimes I look back to when I was in high school. I can recall seeing girls in school who were pregnant. I was sort of close to a girl (her name is long gone from my cache) who was pregnant at 16. I sometimes wonder what has happened to her, and her child. I can only hope for the best but yet know better to assume. I ask this. How can a 16-year-old girl, or boy for that matter, solely parent a child? Come on, she’s a child herself. Attempting this is like trying to bake a cake in an oven that is not preheated. Sure, it may turn out if you’re lucky and the cards fall just the right way, but the stack is surely agents you.

Being a baseball coach, I see many types of parents in many situations. I do not coach to teach the came as much as I coach to connect to the kids. I try to give every kid the same amount of energy. Yet I know that I somehow become closer to the kids who have parents who suck. One such pathetic child comes to mind from last season. I wanted to adopt him. He is now lost as his parents are both in jail. I can only hope that he landed in a good foster home. The system keeps the location of these kids kind of hush-hush.

This post kind of got out of hand a little bit as I got off track on my little rant. It just feels really good to walk through an isle in a grocery store and have a kid run full speed away from his or her parents to you calling out “COACH! COACH! GUESS WHAT I DID TODAY.” Nothing is this world would ever feel better than that.

Having said this all, what the fuck is wrong with people? I’m sorry but this guy needs to die! I only wish it would be by my hand.

Finders Keepers....

Look what I found on my digital camera tonight. I totally forgot about this.

What the hell were you two talking about anyway? :-)

Ya know, we are going to be 40 soon....

Wow! For the first time is what seems like forever, I can actually say that I had a great weekend. Feeling good, especially about myself, seems almost strange to me. My wife and I are in marriage counseling, good times are being had with friends and family and life now seems happier. For the longest time I had felt like I was living my entire life for everyone else but myself. This may still be true on some levels, if not many, but I can truly say that I am funding a new respect for what I have.

Having said that, and after spending the third weekend in a row either somewhat drunk or hung over, the unofficial “weekend in review” seems fitting. So here goes nothin’!

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Work: So much to control, so little time. Holly shit this project is big.

Baseball signup 2006 continues. Can’t wait for opening day. A huge turnout this year thus far.

Grocery shopping. Old Mother Hubbard comes to mind.


Finally took down all the Christmas decorations. It’s out of control. My house will become the second North Pole if this continues.

Boo and I playing video games. He’s starting to kick my ass!!!

She said; ” So how bad IS the Hotel Edison”? I said; “Just crash on my couch and don’t worry”.

“Ok, you can be the contact person. What’s you cell phone number again”? I guess giving you this number 400 times is not enough. Oh look, he finally wrote it down!!!

Finally get to meet Mr. Snotsucker. Dude, you’re cool.

“I am so sorry. This place was packed the other weekend and bass was pumpin”!

The ‘tard walk. Oh my god that’s funny!!! Snot, you didn’t miss a step and I gota see that again.

“We can make it to the Peperment by last call”. Bad choice!!!

I swear I used to shoot pool on a team. I used to be good; what the hell happened to me? I call a rematch in your dad’s basement!!!

Pink Floyd. I’m not sure why I turned it off. Maybe it was because Tracie was sleeping.

“Are you alright”? “Here, just sit down on the deck”. Then Dean reappears. Perfect timing. Oh look, she fell again. “Dude, we better get her inside”.

I’m not sure who won the match, but I think it was River. Dean gave it his best,

“That’s it, I’m going to bed. Have fun guys. I’ll lock the beast in the bedroom with us”.

Hey look, Carn found the couch and Dean walked home.

(next day)

I was never still drunk in chruch before. First time for everything.

Zak, I hope you’r not getting sick.

Nose bleed section at a hockey game. Very nice! Yea, I used to live down here.

“Redemption is what you said in your blog. After all, she is dead”. (but I still miss her)


Woman are the root to all evel. I’m sure of it!!!

The 'tard Walk

More to come when I sober up.

Boo Says Thanks!

Boo wanted me to send out a very special THANK YOU to his favorite soldier. Your gift to him means everything!

And to think I wanted him to become a lawyer or doctor....

Yuck... Sick!!!!

Last week my son was sick and home from school for four days. I should have known it was only a matter on time before someone else in the house got it. Unable to finish a full days work has left me blogging for a while.

That leads me to this story. My dog is having some issues these days. It seems he doesn't like my kids anymore. When they get close to him, he becomes very discontent. It's almost as if he is scared of them. Now I am finding my kids may be scared of him because of his actions.

I have enclosed an image bellow to better explain what his issue is. Please be advised that it may be too graphic for some people.

v

v

v

v

v

Ok, I was joking.

The weekend from my view

I thought we weren't going to blog about this past weekend. So I was wrong. I have chosen to steel carnealian's writing style here a little. (Yea, I asked for permition) Oh, and Rev., to answer your question, it was on the bar.

Anyway, a list of quotes from the weekend. Here goes..................



“So you and her are going to go outside and duke it out later?”



“How do you know that?”



“Doesn’t that hurt?”



“Get that image out of my head!”



“Thanks for waiting up guys!



“Look where I’ve been for a year. I’m not used to this weather.”



“Um, all the more reason to bring a jacket.”



“Oh my god, she’s perfect!”



“How do you get to the third floor?”



“I think her and I are better wingmen than you are!”



“Ah man, I lit the filter end.”


"Hey, I have some Forty-Six & 2 in the car."



I can only imagine what was said after this. I was out!

The weekend

We all kind of promised not to blog about this past weekend, but I just have to say one thing. I will never look at galvanized steel in the same way again!

Life

The wheel of change moves on, and those who were down go up and those who were up go down. ~Jawaharlal Nehru


Been really busy with work, home and entertaining Mr. Dorman so the blog has been left untouched for a while. Plus it looks as though the planets have aligned in a very wrong way this evening. But all is good while I plan my trip down to Carnealian's neighborhood this weekend for yet again some good times. My daughter was going to be with her mother non the less, but I feel very guilty leaving my son with his granny again. Since my son was born I have been with him every waking moment of his life, almost like I am this sculptor working on a stone destined to be this beautiful statue. All I can say is he loves the sleepovers with his dog. Granny may have some serious issues, but she's a great dog sitter!

Anyway, lookout Harrisburg, here we come. (Damn, forget the red carpet, I used to live there.)

Oh and Dean, you get the couch.

The things I never considered; a parody of sorts. (Part I)

I live next to a small stream. It only floods every now an then during periods of heavy rain, once or twice a year at most. The water has never reached the trailer, or it’s foundation, but I do loose whatever is in the back yard at the time. My insurance company always cuts me a check for whatever we loose so it’s now big deal. It’s almost nice because then we can go out and buy new stuff. Last year we lost the gas grill, all the kids’ toys and our LP tank. Once I got the check from the insurance company, we had everything replaced within a few days. The kids love their new yard dart game.

Um Sir, have you ever stopped to consider where all your items end up after the floods? Do you thing they just disappear into some sort of great abyss or what? You may not realize it but you’re just as bad as the guy who throws his trash out into the streets. Wake up and except some responsibility.

I grew up on the farm as my father and grandfather did. I know life was hard for them too but in today’s world we just can’t make ends meet. Our government controls so many aspects of the market today that there’s no way in hell I can ever get my head above water. We hate to loose the land, but I just had to do it. Last year I sold the entire 140 acres to a developer. The houses look nice so far, but they sure are close together.

Sir, do you still own a shotgun? If so, grab it and let’s take a ride to see a local congressman.

To be Continued…

I should have know; Ailing

Last night my son threw a fit when we dropped him off at Grammies house. It was very odd to see him that way. He’s never had any signs of separation anxiety. Plus he loves it at her house because she lets him stay up as late as he wants. The mystery was solved this morning. He was getting sick. Poor little guy is out for the count now. No worries though, he’ll bounce back in no time.

I don’t feel all that spry myself after last night’s outing. Just a little too much social profiling. I'm sure carnealian will have some quotes or something from the evening. I didn't actully say that, did I? Oh well, all in good fun.

I don’t usually get into politics, opinions or negative campaign adds. I would rather leave that people like SnotSucker, Rev. Gisher, Dorman, or even AnotherPointofView who are much better informed than I. Well surprise, surprise, I do have something to say. Let’s bitch about the health care industry. Now days there are pills for sale to cure almost anything. Medicine has come a long way in the last twenty years or so and can prolong and sometimes even save lives. It’s a great thing in most cases. But what about the overuse of medicine, do we really have to take a pill for ALL of our suppose-ed ailments? We all had acne when we were teen-agers, but now there’s a pill out there to help. Come on people, no wonder we can’t afford health insurance. Flatulence can be cured with a pill too. Well, having gas is a bit embarrassing at times, but is this not just a natural function of our bodies? Oh no, we gota take a pill for it!!!!

Well, in the spirit of over usage, I supply you with the following link. Turn you speakers up; it’s a good one!!! (Please give the page a few seconds to load. These guys pay there bills with advertising.)

Click Me!

I'm a sad case

Well the weekend is finally here. Horary for that!!!! Plus, no work Saturday morning either. This will change in a few weeks, if not sooner.

Today was kind of a bad day. “Football Friday” has become something I look forward to. We throw and practice all week for “the big game”. Riding the bike during lunch is no longer as friendly as it once was due to winter and all. I may be some sort of boss I guess, but I lead a rebel crew. Playing and practicing football in the parking lot has become my exercise for the winter months. The trouble I have is that I am the oldest of the rebellious crew. During today’s game I jumped for a pass and came down on my bad foot in a very wrong way. After landing I fell to the ground in pain. Jeremy, second oldest of our so-called “A-TEAM” (I’m sure it means a**hole) was the only one to offer assistance. All others made comments like “come on gimpy” and “How old are you”. Thanks guys! Anyway I am once again limping again. Sometimes I just don’t get it. Neil Armstrong walked on the moon at age 38 and here I am at 36 unable to keep up with the punks. I hate it! Me and my broken finger, shot foot and 3 footballs need a break I guess.

But, we won!

Things

1) The college football season is now officially over. Penn State won (that sucks), Notre dame lost (sorry carn), Bama won (Oh, yea!) and the Long Horns pulled it out. The NCAA has undergone some changes in the past few years. In my humble opinion, all have been for the good. Side note: The day following the Penn State game was a very long day!

2) As Carnealian said in her blog, her, Dorman and I are getting together this weekend. I haven't been to a bar in a long time. I'm sure blogsphere will never be the same.

3) Things here on the home front are getting better, yet busier. I do well at separating myself from work when at home. Admittedly though, it's getting harder. I think I may have to look for a new job soon. This one has gotten to be just a little too much.

Speaking of being ungrateful

Christmas is all for the kids now days. I asked for nothing this year. What I did receive I was truly thankful for. Having said this, you gota check this out.


The Man: Bobby Gaylor

The song:Stop Giving Me Crap for Christmas!

You kids are who you make them

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No matter what political party you fallow, or where you stand on politics today, you will love this! Check this out! It's worth it!

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The following conversation took place between my sister and I on the phone on Christmas day. But first, let's set the stage. She has 2 kids from a former marriage and her husband has 5 kids from his former marriage, who live full time with their mother. All seven kids are together with her and her husband for the week of Christmas this year. Some names have been changed for obvious reasons.
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Sis: Does Dinkleberry act appreciative and grateful for the things she gets for Christmas at your house?

Me: Oh sure. She's very thankful, why?

Sis: I am so mad and disappointed. His kids are not even a little bit appreciative of the things they got from us. All I hear is things like I already have this, Is this all I get, and This is stupid.

Me: You have got to be kidding me.

Sis: Oh no. Ashley opened her gift then ran upstairs saying nothing. I guess a $50 Gift Card was not enough, but I didn’t know what to buy her. Not one of them even said a simple thank you. I am so pissed. We have methodically chosen what bills to pay what bills to hold on just to make sure all seven kids had a good Christmas, and they don't even thank anyone.

Me: Scott's ex married into money, correct?

Sis: Oh yea. You already know this. Why do you ask?

Me: Well, they already have everything. They don’t appreciate what you give them because they are spoiled rotten, yet neglected at the same time. Everything they know is material. They don't get the whole It's the thought that counts theory.

Sis: I am trying so hard not to be mad at him for this.

Me: Oh please do not get mad at him. It’s not his fault at all. He's just his ex’s poster boy. Maybe even fall guy.

Sis: My 2 appreciated everything they got. Des thanked us about 100 times for her new stereo for her room.

Me: I know this is hard. I can't begin to tell you what to do, other than to sit down with them all and explain the situation.

Sis: Oh, I tried. It doesn't work. They just don't respect what we have done, for what Santa has brought them here for that matter. They don't respect anything. Everything they touch gets broken. I feel so bad for my girls. It's just not fair to them.

Me: Again, just sit everyone down and lay out the law. You can't let them take advantage of you. Obviously these kids have to discipline or structure in their lives. You may have to be the nasty nanny here and put some rules down. Lay it out in plain view. But just don't yell at them or break apart during your speech. This will make them very aware of your weakness.

Sis: I will try, but I don't think it will make any difference. They even made fun of what mom got them. For god sakes, mom spent money on the kids and they made fun of her and made her feel like shit.

Me: Mom has issues upon issues. The word hello offends her on some days.

Sis: Yea I know. I just can't wait until things in this house return to normal.

Me: Normal is relative. I am dealing with a lot of the same issues here, but yet totally different. I know it’s hard. Hang in their sis. All things happen for a reason. Someday Ashley may run to you for some sort of reality check.

Happy?

Me: "Happy birthday to me!"

Them: "Um, I know it's your day off and all, but can you come to work?"

Well, happy birthday to me anyway!

Blonde Baptist Cowgirl

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders
three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of
each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and
orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat
after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in
Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas,
we
promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank
together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for
myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The
cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take
notice
and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the
bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her
eyes
and she laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband
and I joined the Baptist Church .... and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my sisters though."